Chronicles of a Local Man (2)

May your village people not have the last laugh over you. Can I get a big, fat and loud amen?

Once I was done with my Business in the Centre of Unity, it’s only natural that I yearned for the sleepless and rowdy coastal City. Just to refresh your memory, the whole thing started here.

I found my way to Nnamndi Azikwe Airport on a Saturday Morning through Berger (I was told that’s the Oshodi of Abuja) at 8:15am for a scheduled flight of 9:00am. While I tried to locate Terminal D where Arik is, I walked past an elated Desmond Elliot who was high-fiving his peeps that obviously came to pick him up, and hey that guy is tall. If I tell you someone is tall, just believe it. I got to terminal D at 8:20 and just then I felt a rumbling in my stomach (Chai! Village people, why?). I headed to the restroom to relieve myself almost immediately, silly me, I could have got my Boarding pass first before using the Restroom. Did I mention that you have to be at the terminal at least 30 minutes before your flight?  

I’ve heard tales that the Restroom is the best place to think about your entire existence, hell yeah it is. The comfort and relief I got in that small cubicle made me get lost in deep thoughts, bad decision. “Arik’s Abuja to Lagos flight scheduled for 9:00 is now closed”, I jolted back to life on hearing that over the terminal’s speaker. I checked my time and its 8:31 already. I dashed out of the Restroom and straight to the Arik’s counter, ‘Lagos ma’ I approached the nearest good looking young lady sporting an Arik air attire. ‘Oh sorry, it’s closed, you have to wait for the next flight by 1pm’ she said revealing her diastema expecting me to oooh and aaah while I’m missing my flight. Do you know how hard it is missing out on something you have right in your face? It’s tough really but still don’t believe I’ve missed it, I approach someone else, a young guy of about my age, he was so rude and unwelcoming that I thought he’s sent by the same village people, but no, Men are what again? I checked my time again, its 8:40, approached yet another lady, same response. That is it, Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s the call of nature and there’s nothing I could have done. 

Did I mention that I had an event to attend in Ikeja by 10:00am? Obviously I’ve missed out on it, life happens. I gave up all hopes of flying that plane and headed to the other counter to reschedule my flight to 1:00pm. No, I can’t join another airline. I already have a ticket with Arik. I joined the queue while I thought of how life can mess you up till I heard ‘Sir, where’s your ID card? Hurry, let me get you a boarding pass’ it was the diastema lady. No be God? She took my ID card, hurried to the other counter and handed it to her colleague and pleaded with her to get me a boarding pass whatever it costs. It was then I realised how cute her diastema was, plus what a beautiful soul she had. Apparently, there was two seats left on the plane and they needed to fill it up breaking the rule of ’30 minutes prior to takeoff’. Three other people joined me vying for the last spot but the lady stood still ensuring I got the first spot. Chai! See me see God ooo! ‘The printer is not working sir, I’m very sorry’ the other lady on the counter told me. Ah! Village people are here again. It was about 8:47, I refused to be shaken though standing there till it popped out. There’s my ticket, Lagos here I come. I rushed out without thanking the two ladies properly (May the almighty bless the diastema lady wherever she is, another amen please?). 

Who will explain why the Terminal D is so complicated? So many steps to climb up and down till I got to the security check. Oh and I missed my road too before then, another angel popped up and showed me my way. I removed my sneakers, phone and bag to pass through the conveyor while I got screened. No issues, I got out picked my Schoolbag, in one hand, Phone and Sneakers in the other while I ran to catch the plane, I checked the time again it was 8:52. Remember how I thought about walking to the Airplane instead of using Buses when I left Lagos? Careful what you wish for.  It came to reality as I ran bare-footed to the Airplane. The Airfield workers started laughing once they saw how clumsy I was looking. ‘Bros, you be Cele member?’ one of them teased. I laughed it off, wore my Sneakers and stepped onto the attached Stairway of the Plane. 

I don’t care about time anymore, I’m in, 18B is my seat, a middle seat yet again, I don’t care this time around though. Once I got there I found a lady on my seat already, checked my boarding pass again to be doubly sure and I’m right. I remember the Wole Soyinka episode that trended on Twitter recently where Prof. sat on a wrong seat and a young guy would have none of it. I told her politely and she stood up. In another five minutes, the cabin crew started their cheoregraphed movement signalling a start of our journey. The Plane moved at a speed and transitioned suddenly like I described before. I won’t like to bore you with the details of the flight because it’s almost the same as the first, the weightlessness of leaving the ground, the reference to architectural modelling, the puff puff and orange juice we were served. I didn’t enjoy the trip to be honest, obviously because I was destabilized. 

We landed in Lagos at 9:55 am and I found my way to Opebi, Ikeja where the event held. It was a wonderful one and most importantly, I got a gig that covered my bills for the next couple of months. 

I had the last laugh, but barely.