#NoteToSelf

Hello avid reader. Your curiosity got the better of you yet again. You know, sometimes it could lead you to places you’re not supposed to be and like a mechanical hazard, gets you drawn-in so deep into thinking about your entire existence and the choices you’ve made. More often than not, the damage grows exponentially that improvised control measures are nothing but a sham, a pitiable attempt by humanity to save what’s left of another wandering soul.

Let’s take a ride, shall we?

Do you remember the very first (and only) time you had that lofty idea under total control and were brought crashing back to earth abruptly? Yes, you hate to be reminded but that lofty plans failed woefully that you look so stupid to have attempted it in the first place. Accolades where due, that idea was a million dollar idea and in a different circumstance would have landed you a place among the enviable galaxy of stars. But the irony? A well thought-out plan that didn’t go beyond the larva stage. What followed? Situations around you started to deteriorate because you refused to connect with your inner creative genius to incubate another plan. But really, I won’t blame you because it was hard to take, while the first (and only) plan was still underway, you spent your wild card thinking ahead to try salvage the already deteriorating situation. It failed too, even more worrying.

What your response? That’s where you got it all wrong, you had a perfectly-set stage to wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for yourself and you totally gave in. Initially I thought you were only ruing the failed attempt and with time you’ll be back again…with a bang. I was wrong. You dove into a self-induced coma that would rival world records, refusing to show up when you really needed to roar back with your A game. I always thought you had a mental fortitude that depicts your admirable muscular frame, it turned out to be just a façade. All that time and effort in the gym only added muscles to your already near-perfect 6ft 2in frame, it did nothing to challenge your psyche, to tell you “Yo! Pick yourself up and give it another go!”. Maybe it did but you’re too weak and lack such resolve to fight back. You turned out to be just another deluded descendant of Adam deeply attached to comfortable confines of mediocrity, enjoying the chills and thrills of the comfort zone.

Oh you have something to say? Hell cut the crap! You’re so full of excuses. What if you landed another gig? That wasn’t part of the plans at all. It was only meant to be a means to an end not an end in itself. The thrills were amazing that you got lost in between, trading short-term satisfaction for a life-long dream. Funny how I’ve always thought big of you, maybe I was deluded too, just that once. You were so young, still are, and the world was at your feet but you let it flow away like an ocean rids itself of unwanted particles, sweeping them to its shores.

And oh, I still remember that day I popped up in your head to get you thinking straight again, about your abandoned ambition, to be a great world beater. Sure as hell you remember too. You washed your face countless times to get ‘a false hope’ out of your head. You couldn’t handle your fear…of failing once, so you prefer languishing on the shores of inaptitude. I tried hard to stay on, urging you to fight back but you couldn’t stand me, I was becoming a pest, so you sent me out into the scary dark night. That was the last straw.

Guess what! I survived.  And well, not everyone has a-nine-tailed fox sealed inside them. Those ones cling onto a frail hope of everything and everyone changing for the better. Well, I don’t think you have what it takes and at long last I’m leaving you to languish in the lowest of lows you’ve plunged yourself into.

I’ll leave you with a few choice words by a controversial figure on Book Cracks. “You, my friend, are a worthless scum”.  I won’t tell you bye. You don’t deserve it.

P.S. I’m sorry if you ever thought this was going to be your textbook inspirational post.